Dwarf act 'not suitable' for college ball

The Oxford Times: Daniel Blackner Daniel Blackner

A DWARF who can pull a vacuum cleaner with his private parts was deemed “unsuitable” to appear at an Oxford University ball.

Circus of Horrors last night hit out at the decision by St Peter’s College to block the act from plans for its summer ball.

The college said acts which depend on “physical conditions to achieve a shock impact are less suited to the occasion” than its other acts. In the end, no Circus of Horrors acts will appear.

Circus chiefs said ball organisers ruled out Daniel Blackner – also known as Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf – for their £75-a-ticket bash on May 7 at the New Inn Hall Street college.

Circus of Horrors founder Dr Haze said: “We are absolutely furious.

“First they wanted a lavish show. Then they wanted something smaller.”

He said the college had ruled out Captain Dan and Gary Stretch, who can pull his own neck skin over his mouth.

Yet a fork-tongued sword swallower and female blade walker were accepted by the college, he said.

He said: “Dan and Gary were born like this.

“If the college didn’t want Dan to pull a vacuum, they could have asked him to do another act. We can put him in an electric chair, pump him with volts and light fluorescent tubes off him.”

He added: “Frankly, I think the students of Oxford University should revolt to get the acts they want at their ball.”

Mr Blackner also blasted the decision, adding: “I have a brilliant resume after featuring as an ewok in Return of the Jedi and various Muppet movies as a flying teddy bear.”

The Circus of Horrors has been touring for 15 years and warns that its Gothic-style horror shows are “not for sissies or those of a nervous disposition”.

Related links

The show has played in front of Prince Charles and also appeared at the New Theatre in Oxford last month.

A spokesman for St Peter’s College said: “The ball committee decided at the outset that it did not wish to include all aspects of the Circus of Horrors show. This was understood by the company.

“The college and the ball committee believe acts which depend in significant part on physical conditions to achieve a shock impact are less suited to the occasion than the other entertainment that might have been provided by the Circus of Horrors.

“In the event no contract was signed with the Circus of Horrors.”

Comments (11)

Please log in to enable comment sorting

6:11pm Thu 10 Mar 11

daisydoris says...

A ball sounds a very suitable place to me.
A ball sounds a very suitable place to me. daisydoris

6:47pm Thu 10 Mar 11

Clunge army says...

I'm booking Captain Dan for my birthday, only £50 a ticket
I'm booking Captain Dan for my birthday, only £50 a ticket Clunge army

6:51pm Thu 10 Mar 11

Mr Peter Mcvay says...

Dear Mr St peters College Master. Why not pop along the road on a Monday or Wednesday night and see the shocking physical things that you little darlings get up to after a few shandies before banning this very entertaining act. P.S. Is inserting an XTRA HOT kebab into the place that it should really come out of, to show your toughness, really part of your curriculum?
Dear Mr St peters College Master. Why not pop along the road on a Monday or Wednesday night and see the shocking physical things that you little darlings get up to after a few shandies before banning this very entertaining act. P.S. Is inserting an XTRA HOT kebab into the place that it should really come out of, to show your toughness, really part of your curriculum? Mr Peter Mcvay

9:25pm Thu 10 Mar 11

dis-custard says...

If I was Henry, I wouldn't be grinning.
If I was Henry, I wouldn't be grinning. dis-custard

1:09pm Fri 11 Mar 11

newcy says...

Hear, hear Peter!

I suspect he couldn't demonstrate a suitable lineage - imagine exposing St Peters college students to someone who is neither a peer or related to a peer -could ruin them completely. The sword-swallower and blade walker must have got through the Poshness Tests imposed by the university.

In terms of the university suddenly becoming aware of 'political correctness' in relation to 'physical conditions' - do they think it's April Fools Day already -Oxford University is the most bigoted institution in the UK. Or perhaps they meant that he is so well endowed that the university felt inferior?!
Hear, hear Peter! I suspect he couldn't demonstrate a suitable lineage - imagine exposing St Peters college students to someone who is neither a peer or related to a peer -could ruin them completely. The sword-swallower and blade walker must have got through the Poshness Tests imposed by the university. In terms of the university suddenly becoming aware of 'political correctness' in relation to 'physical conditions' - do they think it's April Fools Day already -Oxford University is the most bigoted institution in the UK. Or perhaps they meant that he is so well endowed that the university felt inferior?! newcy

1:14pm Fri 11 Mar 11

Lord Palmerstone says...

“First they wanted a lavish show. Then they wanted something smaller.”

Before we start talking "smaller", Daniel may be vertically challenged-but Henry's got a big smile on his face.
“First they wanted a lavish show. Then they wanted something smaller.” Before we start talking "smaller", Daniel may be vertically challenged-but Henry's got a big smile on his face. Lord Palmerstone

2:04pm Fri 11 Mar 11

Sid Hunt says...

Shame they don't give as much thought to the noise pollution created.
Shame they don't give as much thought to the noise pollution created. Sid Hunt

2:24pm Fri 11 Mar 11

Stuff-of-Oxford says...

I went to see The Circus of Horrors when it was on in Oxford and it is one of the most amazing shows that i have ever seen, shame most people of Oxford (Students) won't get to see what these guys can offer as they are so funny, also they are not for the faint hearted!!!
I went to see The Circus of Horrors when it was on in Oxford and it is one of the most amazing shows that i have ever seen, shame most people of Oxford (Students) won't get to see what these guys can offer as they are so funny, also they are not for the faint hearted!!! Stuff-of-Oxford

2:24pm Fri 11 Mar 11

Stuff-of-Oxford says...

I went to see The Circus of Horrors when it was on in Oxford and it is one of the most amazing shows that i have ever seen, shame most people of Oxford (Students) won't get to see what these guys can offer as they are so funny, also they are not for the faint hearted!!!
I went to see The Circus of Horrors when it was on in Oxford and it is one of the most amazing shows that i have ever seen, shame most people of Oxford (Students) won't get to see what these guys can offer as they are so funny, also they are not for the faint hearted!!! Stuff-of-Oxford

9:56pm Fri 11 Mar 11

dis-custard says...

Attaching a hoover to one's private parts is simply Dyson with death.
Attaching a hoover to one's private parts is simply Dyson with death. dis-custard

9:37am Sat 12 Mar 11

telecaster says...

I for one am relieved - students are absolute t**ts when they get on 'shorts'....
I for one am relieved - students are absolute t**ts when they get on 'shorts'.... telecaster

Comments are closed on this article.

click2find

About cookies

We want you to enjoy your visit to our website. That's why we use cookies to enhance your experience. By staying on our website you agree to our use of cookies. Find out more about the cookies we use.

I agree