NOWADAYS it’s not enough to simply do something. No, nowadays, everyone has to be someone. And you come across this fact every day.

Ask anyone what they do, and they’ll nearly always say: “Well, I work for the council at the moment BUT actually it’s the environment I’m interested in...’ It’s the ‘BUT’ that makes me wince. I guess it’s no great surprise. Just look at how social networking sites have totally altered the way we see ourselves.

Where once you might have offered, very matter-of-factly, that you had played football at the weekend or gone to a party, it’s now pasted across your Facebook site as though it were a world exclusive.

And of course, no-one just plays footie anymore; that would just be plain embarassing. We’ve all moved on, thank God, and today, on a weekly basis, we scuba dive, sky dive, roller derby, protest over human rights (normally in Waitrose over queue-jumping), attend the biggest, most incredible gigs, meet the most awesome, exciting people and swamp the Internet with photographs of ourselves doing all these amazing things (though interestingly, they’re nearly always just close-ups of our faces...).

Little wonder then that with so many of us leading lives packed full of incident and adventure, we should now want to write about them too. And not just online but on paper, in books, on shelves in Waterstone’s for the rest of us to buy.

Indeed, go into any bookshop and you’ll how see the Biography section has ballooned, sometimes across whole floors. And it’s not just film stars and politicians any more who feel they want to share their lives with us (people who, for better or worse, might actually have a good tale or two to tell). Now the simple act of being born is tantamount to guaranteeing a publishing deal.

Which is why I’ll be bringing out my own autobiography later this year. After all, when I was seven, I was electrocuted by a hairdryer (it was amazing!), when I was 12 I was shot at with an air rifle (I’ll never reveal the pain!), and when I was 16 my heart was broken (I swore I’d never love again!).

Other highlights will, naturally, include my long list of conquests (Ben Nevis aged 16, Snowdon aged 19), my substance abuse (even today, I can’t look at a cherry cola without sweating) my dream for success (I knew no matter what the cost I’d never give up!) and my undying love for my gran (she was...er, my gran).

It’ll also include never-before-seen photos of my fifth birthday (even then I knew my ankles would swell!) and my favourite toy, a Steve Austin/Six Million Dollar Man doll lost to prejudice and intolerance (tragically targeted by a bully on a Chopper bike).

It should retail for £19.99, and with Christmas approaching (give or take six months) will make an ideal stocking filler.

Oh yes, its title – Rip-Off. Seriously, it’ll be worth a look.