I KNOW I have a problem with authority. It’s just a switch inside me that flicks when I’m told what I can and can’t do.

My boss will tell you. Why do you think I’m still presenting so early in the morning?

It doesn’t have to be anything major. In fact the more minor the more irritating. Is there anything worse in the world than receiving an email and at the bottom is a message that reads “Please don't print this email unless you really need to”.

Who is it that’s needlessly printing off emails that would prompt such a suggestion?

Have we become a society so carefree with our time and lustful of the printed word we are drawn to printing like a moth to a flame?

If I see this message at the end of an email I make a point of printing it out, particularly if I don’t need to. In fact, I have been known on occasion to print off the email and post it back to its creator.

Our world is full of rules and regulations designed to belittle us and put us in our place. If you can’t break the odd rule now and then life’s not worth living.

It’s not unusual these days for bills to come with bold threats about the speed your payment is required writ large in capitals “DO IT NOW!”.

I spent several weeks without heating after I decided to show my gas company what I thought of such tactics. That showed them. By the way, I’m now fully recovered from that bout of pneumonia.

These rules presume we have so little common sense we require being spoon fed the most basic of information to stop ourselves electrocuting, suffocating or soiling ourselves. Search carefully on any packet of sugar free chewing gum or sugar free mints and you will see the warning “excessive consumption may cause diarrhoea”.

Actually, I can confirm that is good advice.

Trouble is my dislike of being told what to do has moved into dangerous places. The other day I was faced with four slices of organic beef. Not on its own a cause for concern but as I ventured towards this airtight, vac-packed, beefy loveliness I noticed something that made me stop in my tracks.

I wished to consume it after the use-by date. There is after all no higher authority in the land than use-by dates, but did I bow to the power of packaging? Of course not – and I lived to tell the tale.

However, this has emboldened me but where will it end,? Not even I know.

Maybe I won’t wash my hands after using the facilities or perhaps I’ll use my mobile at the petrol pump (no, better not, safety first and all that...).

I might even one day, for just a few seconds, stand forward of the line on the bus into Oxford.

I won’t though; there are some sources of authority that are beyond even my rebel genes.

  • Joel can be heard every Saturday, from 6am to 9am, on BBC Radio Oxford