Alice Hicks talks about her journey to health and happiness

My story begins in Oxford where I was born in 1943. The first two years of my life were then spent in war-torn London, where my father was in charge of an anti-aircraft station.

One day I was nearly blown up in my mother’s arms by a doodlebug. Years later my life was blown apart for a very different reason.

In the summer of 1984, I was admitted to an acute ward of the Warneford Hospital, with what my doctor’s notes described as ‘a florid mania’. I was euphoric but confused, having strange, sometimes fearful delusions.

It was a watershed moment in my life, a massive change of direction – I was taking the road less travelled. My ‘psychiatric career’ had begun.

My life during the 80s and 90s was one of struggle, difficulty and pain, but with moments of wonderful fantasy and happiness, feeling so connected to God and all creation.

I experienced wild mood swings, from creative elation – ‘highs’ – to black crippling depressions – ‘lows’.

I struggled with my identity. Who was I? What was I? Had I any worth or value?

Slowly, small step by small step, my wounded soul and life began to heal and rebuild. I found a new sense of identity, other than that of a manic depressive or mentally ill patient.

Many people helped me to restore my sense of belonging and self-worth, including my unconditionally loving mother and stepfather, my children and friends, kind and supportive mental health professionals and other fellow travellers.

In the mid 1990s, I became aware of the mental health service user movement, which wanted the user voice to be heard and pressed for better treatment and understanding of mental illness and distress.

I joined a local service user-run group and started attending, with other members, meetings and consultations with Oxford Health staff. We wanted to make sure that we were heard and listened to and aimed to challenge the myths and fear that surrounded ‘madness’ to show how we could survive and thrive despite having a serious ‘mental illness.’

In 2002, I got a job as a service user researcher. I have never forgotten the first day at work when I saw the notice on my office door ‘Alice Hicks Researcher’ – a new identity! Having recently worked for Rethink Mental Illness, I was now researching how people recover from mental distress and illness.

Living in Oxford and meeting and knowing many other courageous and interesting people on their own recovery journeys, I was aware that we do not have an independent service user-run group, having its own premises and employing staff with lived experience.

Last year, I decided it was time for me to investigate how independent user-run groups could be set up and organised. I applied for and received a grant from Healthwatch Oxfordshire, which gives people in Oxfordshire a voice to influence and challenge how health and social care services are provided, to find this out.

I started my research by finding out what user groups already existed in Oxford. Then I visited and interviewed members and staff of independent user-run groups in other parts of England.

I have now produced a report of my findings which can be found at healthwatchoxfordshire.co.uk. I am really hopeful that my report makes a strong case to service commissioners and providers to consider establishing an independent mental health service user-run group.